Today was thee worse/best day ever.

One of my friends told me shes enjoyed reading my blog. So logically I got excited not only because someone has actually read my blog posts but more so because someone's actually enjoyed the way I've arranged words into sentences. Then she told me that I've made pregnancy seem jolly and she wants a baby. I said no no no I hope my blog doesn't make you have a baby but rather inspires you to enjoy every minute of pregnancy when you do become pregnant in the future. Of course she meant in the future but I took it literally.

Well I thought of her today when I started crying. Because my pregnancy wasn't too jolly today. I actually cried twice today. Which might seem like a lot to some but reasonable to those who understand the amount of attention a baby in the womb requires. If I'm not hungry I have heartburn. If I'm sweating it's not because the sun is too hot but rather because the baby is exhausting my body. Walking is becoming a chore. Sure the 104° weather here in southern California isn't helping one bit. However what really frustrated me today was the fact that my air conditioner in my car stopped working. I'm certain I was beyond frustrated because I even yelled at my GPS when it told me to continue straight on Foothill Blvd. Extremely frustrated that I even hung up on my honey while I spoke to him. At which point I started crying. I'm aware not everything in my life will be perfect but let me tell you God really knows when to show Himself to us... He's always there at perfect timing.

I visited a friend today who has a toddler nicknamed JJ. He's very handsome and mellow. He's so handsome he has thee perfect tan. After she tours me around her apartment we go back into the nursery. She shares with me all the baby necessitys and stuff she's used the past ten months with him, one of the items being a bassinet. Of course I fell in love. She said I can use it with my baby. I was a bit shocked so I offered to pay for it. She said no. Just use it and take care of it just in case baby number two makes an early appearance. Anyways, the bassinet is perfect for me. It's totally my taste in furniture, style and size. It looks vintage and the lace which was used to embroider the bottom resembled a cute Victorian style. To make matters even sweeter the colors were unisex.

Well when I was driving around Rancho I completely forgot about this fabulous gift. The heat had consumed the best of me. Until of course the tears came rolling down my colorless checks. On the corner of Foothill Blvd and Day Creek there was a bus stop...of course the only person waiting for the bus is an expecting mother. You'd be surprise how much you start noticing expecting mothers once you become one. Anyways, here I was bitching about the damn airconditioned-less vehicle of mine (which by the way I totalled in January and still works absolutely perfect) but there she was waiting for the bus. I'm not certain what was worse the amount of ungratefulness that consumed me up when the AC stopped working or the fact that my heart shattered into countless pieces when I saw her and realized that the deep tan her skin had probably came from waiting around for buses in the city. To make matters worse was that bus stop didn't have a shade port. :(

You see friends pregnacy isn't perfect and neither is this game of life. It's far from perfect actually. There's stretch marks and frustration. Hunger and discomfort. But everyone's situation varies. Even if there's only one positive thing left in your life you need to hold on to it. Everyone has something to be grateful for, everyone...even the homeless. It can be breathing, family, significant others, friends, God, food, water and so on! Anyways if none of the words on this blog made sense just know the following is what's really important:
Today I am thankful for the lady at the bus stop and my lovely friends whom shower me with gifts but most importantly comfort...there's also something you should be thankful foe today.. you just need to put on that thinking cap. <3

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What I want for my birthday tomorrow is free to you yet extremely valuable to me... <3

I'm hella excited about my birthday tomorrow. Perhaps because I'm having sushi for dinner with friends. I'm also excited to see my unborn via an ultrasound. In addition to that I'll be spending a couple hours with my honey at Disneyland.
The most exciting part is the fact that I will spend every second tomorrow with the person whom has my conditional love...the baby inside my womb. This is sure to be the last birthday I will ever have without a baby. From here on out im certain that my birthday cakes will be whatever flavor he or she adores, even ones I hate like chocolate.
It's bittersweet to know that tomorrow I'll be a year older. I never really imagine I'd be a mother at 24. I'm not sure if 24 is too young or too old. I guess if I compare myself to my peers I might be a little old since numerous have children already. When I compare myself to the norm I'm too young. Whatever the case may be I'm satisfied with my life choices and blessed to be in the situation I am in today.
The idea of unconditional love sits nicely in my heart perhaps that's why I love Christ so much. Now that I'm almost a mother the idea of giving my only son is hella touching to me. God must really really love us. I'm not sure how well I'd handle giving up my only baby or for that matter any baby of mine. The idea makes my heart sink to the deepest darkest place in the Pacific Ocean. Because of Christ I am able to have everlasting life and be unconditionally loved. He paid my debt in advance and definitely makes me feel worthy.
I don't want material gifts this year for my birthday. I just ask that you pray for us. I ask that you ask our father God to continue to bless me and that He bring me a healthy baby boy or girl. I ask that you pray that I continue to walk with God this 24th year of mine. I ask that you pray to God to teach me patience, discipline and understanding. Prayer will be the best gift anyone can give me tomorrow...because Lord knows I need tons of it. <3

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As of today I am unemployed and YES I am still expecting a baby…

I'd like to say I have the Christian thing down but then I'd be lying to you...

I went in for my weekly doctor’s appointment this morning. I'm not going to lie, I felt good about myself because I was certain the baby was healthy and so was I. Sure I eat junk food here and there but not enough to affect me significantly. Well I checked in (late as I usually do). Talked to some other pregnant girls about the recent scandal "The Situation" has. LOL. Then the attendant called my name... I knew the routine: I was to give a pee sample, weight check, and then that weird thing they do to everyone when they wrap your arm inside a Velcro thing and listen to your veins (I think). Perhaps they listen to your heartbeat but that would be strange since it's not located in you left arm. The doctor walks in at perfect timing as he usually does. Checks for my baby's heartbeat, scribbles some gibberish onto my medical records and then proceeds to stare at me. Apparently I am not diabetic I am however anemic. The pain I feel are in fact early contractions, so now its been confirmed that I'm not exaggerating my discomfort. In addition to all of the above I must also face my fear...as much as I feed myself the excuse that my doctors office weight scale was off... it really isn't. I in fact have only gained a whopping five pounds the first two trimesters of my pregnancy. If I wasn't already crying I can assure you that I started crying after my doctor  said I wouldn't be returning to work as of yesterday.

I'm not the type of gal to sit around the house and watch television reruns every morning. The television in my room isn't even connected. My family hates television so much that we have basic television channels. You read correctly. We don't have cable! I'm actually impressed by the fact that we have a DVD player; which I'm certain no one in my household knows how to function. Nonetheless we're happy without cable television, TiVo, or a huge unnecessary bill.

I notify my employers and also three friends of my tragedies. Two of whom already have a baby. One of them whom I rarely speak to BUT when we do speak it's as if we get started right where we left off. She was also anemic during her pregnancy. Her doctor advised her to take it easy but she's a bit like me, always on the go. Long story short her anemia became so bad that she had three blood transfusions throughout her pregnancy...and now she wished she had listened to her doctor when he told her to take it easy. I was shocked. Did God take her phone away and start texting me back? I was certain He was the one replying to me earlier. He was speaking to me directly through her. I don't want three blood transfusions. I simply want to give birth to a healthy baby boy or girl. I want an easy trimester but most importantly I want a healthy labor.

I always forget to see the positive in certain situations. Earlier I felt as if I was doomed. The hard work that went into planning the perfect work schedules and school schedule no longer mattered because I wouldn't be returning to work. But suddenly God reminded me that I was blessed. Not going to work is a blessing. My schedules didn’t work out because they were my schedules not Gods schedule for me. He has his own plan and apparently I am currently living it. I don’t have the Christian thing down and I will on no account ever have it down. Nevertheless I shall continue to strive to perfect it but I need to understand that there is only one perfect thing in this world and it is our Father God. I will continue to forget to give gratitude for even the most awkward situations but he shall continue to remind me as long as I shall continue to follow Him. I must be thankful for everything that occurs regardless of how unfortunate it may seem to me. I must in no way overlook that I don’t make the rules. Earlier I cried tears of frustration, disappointment and resentment. Tonight I will cry tears of anticipation, delight and thankfulness.

My life in 961 words.

I am a full time student at California Baptist University and I am proud to say that the school was made for me. I am definitely taking being a Lancer seriously. I am currently double majoring in Spanish as well as English. My goal is to teach higher education and be an important person whom is inspiring to someone, anyone. I am BIG on education. If you’re a high school graduate and you’re not in college I will probably ask you why? I might give you a malicious look and I will most definitely attempt to persuade you to go to your local community college and register for a life changing experience.

I work two part time jobs both of which I love dearly. It’s not easy being a full time student and an employee at two different educational places. Time management is a must in my agenda. I also need to plan every thing in advance. Even the times I will consume meals. However those aren’t the hardest things I’ve done. Currently I struggle every night with thoughts about this upcoming Fall. I am expecting my first child this November. I am so happy, that I have decided to keep the gender a secret until birth. I figured why bother knowing if my baby will live his or her life as a male or female when no matter what he or she is I am biologically programmed to unconditionally love him or her, and that is what I shall do for the rest of my days.

I have a boyfriend whom I love dearly…sometimes (just kidding) I love him at all times. I really think that opposites attract because if I were to tell you our story I’m sure you’d be shocked. We’re like day and night. I’m day though, he can be night. He likes to stay home and I like to go out. He is into technology and I refer to myself as ‘vintage’. I like to be in bed by sunset (well not really but if I could be in bed I would) I normally fall asleep by ten pm. He stays up till sunrise and then wonders why he’s exhausted during the day. LOL. We have a million differences of which I can only name a few but our differences are what mend us together. I feel as if God has truly given me everything I always wished not to have just to help me grow and become an enhanced individual. My boyfriend challenges me daily and he tests my patience, time management skills and ability to be flexible. I must always have a plan B with him. I never really imagined my home to be a space filled with technological advances and loud constructive machines and I can honestly say that’s where it is headed. I always considered having a library with tons of books which I’ve collected from second hand stores all in alphabetical order on tall white bookshelves. I can frankly say that that’s not going to happen. The room in my visions has now been revamped to the room in his visions. The room will probably be known as an office or his computer room. My book shelf will be filled with the latest HD DVD’s and new Starcraft game. I am certain that machine he calls ‘computer’ will probably sit away from the window (for security purposes) and my honey will have two monitors in addition to that super slick mouse on an overly sized mouse pad. I see a small bookshelf in the room but I also see my white NOOK on top of a coffee table. I am confident this sounds like the most horrific story but I am here to reassure you that it isn’t. My story is a love story. If I didn’t like it I wouldn’t be in the relationship. My honey is a modern day prince charming. I wanted a Taylor Swift CD and rather than buying me the CD for our anniversary he also purchased us tickets to her concert. When I get hungry at 2:30am he’s the only one whom I know of that will go to the local Jack-in-the-box drive thru to satisfy my chicken sandwich craving. Might I add that he won’t only get me the sandwich he’ll also get me potato wedges and/or jalapeno poppers just in case I throw a fit for them last minute. He puts up with my last minute plans and he’s patient with everything I book for us to do. Whenever I have a crazy idea rather than telling me it’s horrible he gives me space to figure it out on my own. Whenever I lay uncomfortably because the lights are on in the room there’s only one man who I can count on to turn them off even if he’s three rooms away. I needed $5 transferred into my bank account to eat those nasty gooey chili cheese fries I was craving and rather than saying you shouldn’t be eating fast-food or bitch to me about my eating habits he transfers $40 into my account.  

We’re not the perfect couple as a matter of fact I’d say we’re the most dysfunctional couple in California but we’re perfect for each other. Believe me when I say that if there is anyone whom I’d give my life for it’d be him. God is my strength, He is my guidance, He lights my path, and He is my King. But Hugo, Hugo is my solid wall to lean on, he is my mirror his voice echoes back at me whenever I’m wide of the mark, he walks the passageway with me and he is my only prince charming. I am complete and it is thanks to him.